Life's Contradiction List

the sweet endless aching moment
the shoes-on-shoes unworn
the flora of the desert
the sin of the newborn

the devil of the heavens
the wolf amidst the flock
the nakedness ‘neath clothing
the timeless broken clock

the grudge born of forgiveness
the tears that bathe the joy
the light that clings to darkness
the builders who destroy

the truth that comes from lying
the dialog of mime
the diginities for buying
the justice in the crime

the child of the manhood
the danger in the peace
fertility in dying
the cure from the disease

the books unread forever
the cold that turns the heat
the ignorance so clever
the tricking for the treat

simplicity’s involvement
the quiet of the sound
the zoos we keep for nature
the lackings that abound

question to the answers
the windows boarded up
wallflowers at the dances
the empty paper cup

the toast to our sobriety
snow’s purity turns slush
so rigid do we tumble
monastically lush

our disparity of his likeness
indecision that persists
we glory our dishonor
with life’s contradiction list

In support of the Lazy Post

Mr. Blue Pamphlet posted his so-called "Lazy Post" on the 17th ... on the 19th Queequeg posted hers, then Veggienerd at Equanimity followed on the 20th ... Gotta say, I love this type of thing ... it gives us all opportunity to share our stories ... what we prefer and why ... and when the story isn't totally forthcoming (for whatever reason) it provides us with the kindling for a bonfire of follow up questions, sometimes privately asked and answered ... that tends to help build trust and caring and friendship ... I love the lazy post ... here's mine:

1. What color are your kitchen plates?
White, with blue, red, yellow islandy design ... it’s “Barbados” from Mikasa ... and for the record, I love china and crystal patterns!

2. What book are you reading now?
Seven things ... Flaubert's Parrot by Julian Barnes ... Divine Comedy by Dante (no real chance I’ll finish it!) ... The Last Universe by William Sleator ... What Video Games Have to Teach Us About Learning and Literacy by James Paul Gee ... Romance a play by David Mamet ... Beyond the Edge of the Sea by Mauricio Obregon ... and The Flickering Mind by Todd Oppenheimer.

3. What's your favorite board game?
APBA Baseball ... it’s a tabletop game, not really a board game (slight distinction), but it’s a non-computerized simulation thing ... played it since I was 11.

4. Favorite magazine?
I love Soundings ... it’s a sailing/boating classified rag, but it always reminds me that someday I, too, may own a sailboat ...

5. Favorite smell?
I knew a girl who smelled of flowers and donuts ... I know that’s a bizarre combo, but she was a lovely and brilliant girl ... and I loved the way she smelled ...

6. Least favorite smell?
Burning hair smells pretty bad (and can hurt too!)

7. What's the first thing you're thinking in the morning?
Workout ... maybe tomorrow ...

8. When you come out of your house and you realize it's raining what's your first response?
If it’s warm, I smile ... if it’s cold, I curse

9. Favorite color?
Green and orange

10. Least favorite color?
Brown and all it’s tan and beige brethren

11. How many rings before you answer the phone?
As few as possible ... I love that it rings, and hate the sound

12. Future children's names?
Unlikely (if it’s a girl) and Improbable (if it’s a boy)

13. Favorite alcoholic drink?
Guinness ... it’s good for you, after all!

14. What is your sign and birthday? Gemini ... May 24 ...

15. Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
If they end up on my plate, chances are they get eaten

16. If you could have any job what would it be?
Sailboat charter captain

17. If you could have any color hair what would it be?
Whatever color mine is seems to be fine

18. Is the glass half full or half empty?
It’s full ... not half full

19. Do you like lemonade?
Love it ... like it best the way my wife makes it ... less water than in the recipe

20. Do you type with the right fingers on the keys?
To my way of thinking, the right fingers are the ones that type the right letters

21. What's under your bed?
All sorts of really necessary stuff that doesn’t come to mind ... and I’m not looking!

22. What is your favorite number?
2661

23. What is your single biggest fear? Drowning

24. Favorite song?
Ever? ... hmmm ...

25. Super Bowl ads, love 'em or hate 'em?
They used to be good

26. Ketchup or mustard?
Ketchup

27. If people could describe you with one word what word would you want that to be?
I liked Queequeg’s answer ... Passionate

28. Name something you always wanted as a child but never got.
An Ivy League education ... but I did okay

29. Favorite soft drink?
I always liked “Wink” ... a grapefruit soda my grandparents used as a mixer

30. Name one good thing you did today.
Good is relative ... I worked out ... thirty years from now, I’ll let you know if it was good

31. Favorite High School Subject?
Physics ... oddly, I almost failed it ... just goes to show ...

32. What screen saver is in your computer?
Don’t use them ... hate ‘em!

33. Burger King or McDonald's?
Which every is closer to where I am

34. Favorite pet?
I had a parakeet named McKeag when I was a kid, so I don’t feel bad saying I loved my dog, Mandy

35. Vacation beach or mountains?
Always the beach ... always

From "Flaubert's Parrot" ... one little sound ...

I'm reading Flaubert's Parrot by Julian Barnes. Because I'm pretty much a non-fiction reader, I really like this book ... creates the sense of poetic believability... and for whatever reason, I seem to need that in my fiction ... no doubt, a character flaw.

Anyway, the section I read this morning struck me as interesting ... especially in the wake of my post yesterday ...

"Beneath the window is a bilingual rubbish bin with a spelling mistake. The top line says PAPIERS (how official the French sounds:'Driving license! Identity card!' it seems to command). The English translation underneath reads LITTERS. What a difference a single consonant makes."

What a difference, indeed (though vowels too may be the culprits) ... and sometimes the single letter can be a life-changing event ... I went to the gym yesterday (a New Year's resolution that I haven't kicked to the curb yet) and as I was leaving, the young woman -- who had taken so much care to ensure that I stood in exactly the right spot to get the gym's logo in my membership card photo -- handed me my new ID ...

And there, in bolded letters that jumped out at me like a lightning bolt was my new persona ... I was transformed ... I was delivered to the world anew (through the power and care of an establishment devoted to remaking the person I am) ... I was now ... TOM ROGERS.

Now, this may seem a small distinction ... as Tom or Tim, I would certainly be the same person ... or would I? ... imagine the possibilities ...

Tom Edison -- inventor & genius
Tim Edison -- small-time bookie in Hoboken, NJ

Tom Wolfe -- author & journalist
Tim DeLay -- performance artist & amateur parachute tester

Tom Jefferson -- president, author, & statesman
Tim Jefferson -- 6-time "Dos Tacos Grandes" employee of the month

So, the question is ... do I continue on my present path as Tim or change course and instead become something very, very Tom?

Thinking lingually

So ... yesterday morning, when I was getting dressed for work, I was watching one of my favorite movies, Miller's Crossing (which was originally titled The Big Head) ... if you haven't see it, you really should, because -- although a bit gruesome in spots -- the language in it is beautifully put together ... not poetic beauty like Shakespeare or ballet ... more the beauty that comes out in a live street performance or in a well played international amatuer hockey game ... but I digress ...

So ... I'm getting ready to play the Miller's Crossing DVD, and at the initial menu, I'm prompted to make a choice ... you know - play the movie - view selected scenes - see extra junk - select language ... Now, much of the story of this film plays out in the language of it's characters ... their cultural foundations are solidly built on their speech patterns, their accents, and their word choice ... so, I start wondering ... hmmmm ... how the hell are they going to capture that in German or Spanish, for example? No doubt these are both well established languages with their own deeply rooted cultural identies ...

So, I'm just wondering ... when a movie is made and the DVD released, do the voice tracks of the alternate languages capture the flavor of the original, or do the voice track casts simply render the words and some of the the emotions ... ? Does anyone know?

I can fumble my way through a number of languages, but I have true cultural knowledge of only one ... English ... so if anyone can clue me in, I'd really appreciate it ...

Lyrics from 010306

Today’s songs from my Zen ...

Pebbles and marbles like things on my mind
Seem to get lost and harder to find
When I am alone I am inclined
If I find a pebble in sand
To think that it fell from my hand
... ... ...
Pebbles and marbles like words from a friend
Make us hold tight but are lost in the end
When we're alone we all seem to tend
If we find a marble in dust
To wish someone left it for us
-- Phish (from Pebbles and Marbles)


If I could give all my love to you
I could justify myself but I'm just not coming through
You're a pill to ease the pain of all the stupid things I do
I'm an anchor on the line of a clock that tells the time
That is running out on you
-- Counting Crows (from All My Love, off Hard Candy)


Today we took a walk up
the street
And picked a flower and climbed the hill
Above the lake
And secret thoughts were said aloud
We watched the faces in the clouds
Until the clouds had blown away
And were we ever somewhere else
You know it's hard to say

And I never saw blue like that
before
Across the sky, around the world
You've given me all you have and more
And no one else has ever shown me how
To see the world the way I see it now
Oh, I, I never saw blue like that before
And it feels like now,
And it feels always,
And it feels like coming home
-- Shawn Colvin (from Never Saw Blue Like That)


Elwood Decker died the other day
He was abstractly struck by a train
He lived in Nipomo but he painted his own way
For 88 years he walked on the track
For 88 years he never looked back
Now he's gone, that's the end of Moy Mell
He's gone and there's no more to tell
-- The Bobs (from Elwood Decker, off Unplugged)


When the ship runs out of ocean
And the vessel runs aground
Land's where we know the boat is found
Now there's nothing unexpected
About the water giving out
"Land's" not a word we have to shout.
-- They Might Be Giants (from Women and Men, off Flood)

New Old Poem ...

For anyone who likes rhyming, schmaltzy, love poems ...

If I could sail a thousand ships,
I sail them straight to you.
If a thousand paces I should tread,
They would lead there too.

For though
the seas may be boiling,
And the pathways poorly lit
'Neath a tree near a beach, with your hand in mine
Is where I long to sit.

I'm one of those who loves poems like this ...

Doubt: a parable

Yesterday, I checked out Doubt: a parable from our Cedar Roe Branch. As you may know, it’s currently on Broadway and won the 2005 Pulitzer for Drama ... I haven’t seen it, but I’ve loved reading it! Fantastic! I’m lucky ... I can read plays and actually see them (okay, not really see them ... but envision the characters and action) ...

One of my favorite parts of the book was the preface ... in it, John Patrick Shanley (the author), wrote:

“Let me ask you. Have you ever held a position in an argument past the point of comfort? Have you ever defended a way of life you were on the verge of exhausting? Have you ever given service to a creed you no longer utterly believed? Have you ever told a girl you loved her and felt the faint nausea of eroding conviction? I have. That’s an interesting moment. For a playwright, it’s the beginning of an idea. I saw a piece of real estate on which I might build a play , a play that sat on something silent in my life and in my life and in my time, I started with a title: Doubt.

...

“It is Doubt (so often experiences initially as weakness) that changes things. When a man feels unsteady, when he falters, when hard-won knowledge evaporates before his eyes, he’s on the verge of growth. The subtle or violent reconciliation of the outer person and the inner core often seems at first like a mistake, like you’ve gone the wrong way and you’re lost. But this is just emotion longing for the familiar. Life happens when the tectonic power of your speechless soul breaks through the dead habits of the mind. Doubt is nothing less than an opportunity to reenter the Present.”

Okay ... that’s how I want to write some day ... just beautiful! And how true ... it is only when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and aware that we might not be right enough or smart enough or strong enough for what faces us ... doubt is the thing for which we should all strive ... for only then are we “on the verge of growth.”

And how much better would we be, individually and as a society, if we were always on the verge, never fully believing we’d attained growth ...